is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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