I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
