She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
dude. I can hear the air.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
