remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
