He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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