in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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