Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
