Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
