I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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