...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
