I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
