I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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