Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
