just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
