made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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