how hairy? two words: wookie tits
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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