Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
