i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize