Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
