Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
