I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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