Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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