i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
