wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
