im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
