Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
