i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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