Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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