My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
