He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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