Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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