i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
