i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
