Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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