I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
