alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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