the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
