Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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