I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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