No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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