fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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