I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize