Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
