real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
