Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
