it's like heaven, but drunker
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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