I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
