no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
