Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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