4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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