God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
