i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
