My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
