He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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