i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
