if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
