I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
