I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
