I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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