Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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