its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
