I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
